I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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