At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
