then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
