I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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