walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
