I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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