Sponge bath it is.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
