Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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