I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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