The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
