Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
