i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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