WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
