im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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