Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
