You made me cry and you don't even care
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
