I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
