ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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