I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize