I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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