i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
