Define "chronic" masturbator.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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