theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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