dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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