If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
