thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
