i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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