Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
