The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All I want is dick and wine.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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