i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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