U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
