Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
