According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
