Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
