it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize