His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
