the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
