I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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