This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
