Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
