so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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