I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
