So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
