you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
