I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Every concussion has its silver lining
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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