Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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