Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
