my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
