perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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