I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
