Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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