did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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