Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
