then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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