apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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