fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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