your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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