I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
