This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have aggressive nipples.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
