Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
