This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
