What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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