Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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