have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize