allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bet he comes in French.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
