Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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