you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
