WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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