somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
