He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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