I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
