I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
