White coat. Heels.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
