the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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