So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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