be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
