i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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