halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm always down for nudity.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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