sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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