It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
