TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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