good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
