My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
