Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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