Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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