I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
