Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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