Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
