My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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