She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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