walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
